Arrogance vs. Confidence - What Are You Showing From the Stage?

Thinking you can have that many letters, for starters...

There is often a fine line between arrogance and confidence, a line that can be easily crossed without intent, and even without knowledge. This is true in real life, and true, certainly, in speaking.

Speakers actually end up running closer to the line than the average person on a more regular basis. It takes a large amount of confidence just to get up in front of others and espouse our thoughts, ideas, and information to others, much less do it in a memorable, effective way. Confidence that can easily drift into, or be mistaken for, Arrogance.

Arrogance isn't a universal perception, either. I've seen speakers that I consider arrogant that the people next to me, or friends from the audience I've talked to afterwards, simply adored. 'That's just his schtick' was essentially the defense - which also means that speaker has created enough equity either in the past or during the actual presentation for what I perceived as arrogance to be seen as confidence, or style, by others. In fact, I had no real problem with the content of this speaker. It was quite valuable. But for me, the style was aggravating, self-serving, and grandstanding. My perception, colored by my experiences and preferences.

I asked some folks on facebook & twitter what they thought made a speaker Arrogant, and I received a myriad of answers. One of which involved the use of big words like 'myriad'...

36 Ways to Be Arrogant on Stage

1. The speaker is always the hero - Derick Dickens

2. A speaker who preaches: 'You should do this' - Jeffrey Brown, Attie Ringo

3. Berating your audience (something I thought the afore-mentioned speaker did) - VJ Sleight

4. When the personality is bigger than the story (ex: Donald Trump) - David Hollingsworth

5. Being 'holier than thou' - Renee Groom-Romano

6. Talking about what they 'did' instead of what they learned - Leslie Jacobsson Keating, Ann Ang

7. Overuse of first-person pronouns - Richard Daugherty

8. Being spammed with sales both during and after the event - Kevin Doyle

9. Not adapting a speech to the audience - Rich Hopkins (not me - another Rich Hopkins!)

10. Showing off physically while demeaning the audience as lazy - Bronwyn Roberts

11. Speakers who are their own gurus - Heather Adair Hawkins

12. Doesn't show they care for the audience - Colin Emerson

13. Making the audience stand and give a standing ovation, then saying 'now they (the speaker) have to earn it - Michelle Mazur

14. Making jokes at the expense of a group of other people - Natalie Chance Palmer

15. Condescension - 'You don't know this yet, but I will enlighten you' - Tony Cortes

16. Attacking people for technical problems during the speech - Daren Wride

17. Assuming the audience doesn't know the topic well - Peggy Carr

18. Unwilling to fully connect with the audience - Thomas Lindaman

19. Insincerity - Terry Canfield

20. Not respecting the audience's time - David A. Berkowitz

21. Believing their own press - Felicia Slattery

22. Believing their knowledge makes them superior - Lloyd Smith

23. Self-righteous tone of voice - Joyce Feustel

24. Taking themselves too seriously - Cybele Antonow

25. The 'Hard Sell' - Bob Jensen

26. Lack of eye contact - LaMont D. Snarr

27. Ending sentences with 'mmm-kay' or 'right?' to gain agreement - Syrena Glade

28. Physically pacing the stage without purpose - LaMont D. Snarr

29. Sweeping statements - 'Everyone does' or 'Everyone knows' - Dawna Bate

30. Finger pointing in a preaching/shaming manner - Chantal Heurtelou Coutard

31. Using foul language or sexual references - Maureen Zappala

32. Leaning against the lecturn on one elbow - Iain Wayfarer Gorry

33. Assumption of knowledge/not explaining jargon - Jennifer Haston

34. Spread out leg stance with arms crossed - Tracie TK O'Geary

35. Pretending that what worked for them will work for all - @icpchad (on Twitter)

36. And, my personal favorite show of arrogance - laughing at yourself, incessantly, onstage.

Bwah-ha-ha-ha! ROFL! - oh wait, I'm laughing at my own blog...

Wow. That's a lot of actions and attitudes to avoid. And many of them are perception-based - what one person views as arrogance another might view as fear (lack of eye contact) or 'part of the job' (the 'hardsell' and 'spammy follow-ups). Some may be culturally based (finger pointing, stance) or simply preferentially based (swearing, a preaching style). Others are character-based, such as how you react in a negative situation (tech failure).

Most seem to be steeped in one simple concept - caring more about yourself and your message than your audience. That's really the heart of arrogance, isn't it?

Arrogance is a danger we all face as speakers, and we won't be able to avoid members of our audience occasionally feeling that we are arrogant, even if we are extremely humble and authentic as a general rule. And those are, by the way, good general rules to follow.

The speaker I felt was arrogant may not be an arrogant human being, it may have been my perception. I have certainly been considered arrogant on occasion, and with due cause every now and again. Have you ever crossed the line, ever so slightly? Were you called on the carpet for it?

The lessons here seem clear - keep your heart with the audience at all times in every way. Even if you have a schtick, like a Larry Winget, who is often outright rude to his audiences, EARN the right by overtly caring first. While you can't control what each audience member thinks, or understand and tailor yourself to the experiences and, perhaps, their insecurities coloring the reception of your message and delivery, you CAN control your intention, your content, and your delivery style.

In the words of Theodore Roosevelt - "People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care". And if you don't care, you shouldn't be on stage.

When have you experienced an arrogant speaker? Share your stories below!

And the go and be confident while you Speak...& Deliver!