Are You Living Someone Else's Life

 35 Years ago, sitting in a Singles Retreat in Colorado Springs, I had an epiphany.

Every hour you spend watching someone else live their life… is an hour you’re not living yours. Now before you push back—this isn’t an anti-fun rant. I’m not here to cancel Netflix, shut down Sunday football, or delete your TikTok account.

(And YES, it kind of freaks me out that two out of three of those options didn't even EXIST when I thought of this in the first place!)

We’ve normalized a quiet exchange: Their highlights for your time. Their success for your attention. Their crazy adventures...for YOUR life.

It feels harmless. Until you look from the outside in. Three hours here. Two hours there. A full Sunday gone. A late-night scroll that turns into “How is it already midnight?”

We don’t feel the cost in the moment. But over time? That cost compounds.

The Illusion of Participation

Here’s the sneaky part: Watching feels like doing. You feel connected to the game and the players. You feel invested in the creator. You feel like you’re “in the action.”

But you’re not. You’re observing. But observation alone, while entertaining, doesn’t move your life forward.

It doesn’t build your keynote. It doesn’t make the sales call. It doesn’t strengthen your relationships. It doesn’t sharpen your craft.

It just…fills the time.

What Happens When You Flip It

I’ve seen the other side of this too.

When I’ve really focused my time - focused it inward instead of outward, and been intentional about where my hours go—the results haven’t been small.

They’ve been life-shaping.

That’s how I’ve written and published four books. That’s how I earned my spot on the TEDx stage. That’s how, at one point, I got myself down into the 190s—a physical goal that took discipline, consistency, and attention.

None of that happened by accident. None of it happened while I was passively consuming someone else’s life.

It happened when I chose mine.

(And yes… getting back into the 190s is a goal again this year. Because this principle? It doesn’t expire.)

I’m Not Saying “Don’t Watch”— I’m Saying “Wake Up”

There’s nothing wrong with enjoying a game. Nothing wrong with a show you love. Nothing wrong with a few minutes of mindless scrolling.

The issue isn’t the activity.

It’s the lack of intention behind it. If you're watching, scrolling, observing and LEARNING along the way, you get a pass - at least until you become mired in learning instead of doing.

Because when recreation becomes default… it quietly becomes dominant. When it becomes dominant, it starts replacing the very life you say you want to build.

The WinAnyway Shift

If you’re serious about building something meaningful—your career, your message, your impact—then your time has to reflect that.

You don’t need more hours in the day. You need more ownership of the hours you already have.

The truth is simple: No one accidentally builds a great life. But people accidentally give one away… every single day.

A Simple Challenge

I know it isn't easy. That epiphany 35 years ago? I left it in a journal without another thought for long stretches of my life. You don't have to.

This week, don’t cut everything out - just notice.

How often do you reach for your phone? How often does “just one video” turn into twenty? Notice how easy it is to step into someone else’s world, and leave yours behind.

Then, once a day…Choose yourself instead.

Write the idea. Make the call. Practice the talk. Have the conversation.

One small reclamation at a time. That’s it.

When you start choosing your life—even in small moments—you stop watching from the sidelines…and the stage becomes YOURS.

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Need a partner to help you focus on YOU? Together we can Discover, Develop, and Deliver your best message to your best audience. Message me, or email rich@richhopkins.com and set up you complimentary Discovery Session. Perfect for emerging keynoters as well as those looking to level up their current skills!

A Plea to Meeting Planners

I’ve limped onto stages.

I’ve walkered onto stages.

And a few times… I’ve had to climb and then roll onto stages - because, well, NO RAMPS!

As a professional speaker who’s a below-the-knee amputee, I’ve delivered keynotes from a wheelchair, a walker, crutches, and a prosthetic - and while there's nothing like that New Foot Smell - there's something to be said for the Old Foot Smell.

Most meeting planners and event locations I work with are thoughtful and genuinely want every speaker to succeed. But many venues are designed around an assumed body type - and when that assumption is off, it creates...friction...which the audience may not see… but the speaker absolutely feels.

This isn’t a complaint. Oh, well hell, YES IT IS.

It’s also a call for awareness.

Because when spaces are designed to work for everyone, barriers aren't just removed, they're shattered.

I've run into plenty of challenges - below are the most common:

Scenario 1: The “Accessible” Stage

There’s a ramp… technically.

But it’s backstage, through cables and cases, or steep enough to count as leg day.

Meanwhile, the previous speaker casually walks up three steps.

What it feels like: You start your keynote slightly flustered instead of fully present.

Why it matters: The first moments on stage set the tone. Smooth access creates confident energy — and audiences feel that immediately.

The practiced fix: Pause, look around, breathe in, smile, and speak with strength.

Scenario 2: The Chair That Wasn’t Considered

Some days I speak standing. Other days I need to sit to manage fatigue or balance.

And occasionally the only option is a tall barstool with no back — basically a trust exercise with gravity.

What it feels like: Mental energy goes to stability instead of storytelling.

The pre-emptive fix: Ask for a sturdy chair with a back, placed intentionally, signals something powerful: You belong here.

Scenario 3: The Distance Nobody Mentions

Green room to stage. Stage to breakout. Breakout to book table.

Distances that seem small can be significant depending on mobility that day — because disability isn’t always static.

What it feels like: You start budgeting energy: “If I walk this far now, will I have enough left for the audience afterward?”

The fix: Budget space first. Determine the closest points to be in along the way to the stage.

Bonus fix: Get help - someone to push your wheelchair, someone to man your table, someone to be your absolute best friend at the event.

When speakers can conserve energy, they show up stronger — and your attendees get a better experience.

The hotel had NO RAMP - I had to have the wheelchair carried onto stage, and I went up three steps. And, of course, back down again.

Scenario 4: The Audience Reality

Here’s what often goes unspoken:

If a venue is difficult for me, it’s probably difficult for some attendees too.

The veteran with a knee injury. The executive recovering from surgery. The attendee who didn’t request accommodations because they didn’t want to be “a hassle.”

Accessibility isn’t a special request. It’s a signal of respect.

The pre-emptive fix: Go in with both the awareness of ADA requirements and the requirements of your potential attendees.

Bonus fix: Be watchful for those that surprise you, and politely provide 'elite service' with the intention of being caring and respectful, as opposed to sweetly sympathetic, which often translates as condescending.

What Inclusive Planning Looks Like

It doesn’t require a massive overhaul. Just intention.

Ask speakers about mobility needs in advance - Ensure ramps are visible, safe, and easy to use - Provide seating options on stage - Reduce unnecessary distances when possible - Think about attendee navigation, not just speaker logistics.

These aren’t extras. They’re part of professional event design.

The Bigger Idea: Designing for Dignity

I’ve been lucky to speak on incredible stages. I’ve also had moments where getting to the stage required more strategy than delivering the message itself.

When accessibility is considered early, everyone wins: The speaker feels confident. The audience feels included. And the event flows the way you envisioned it could.

An Earnest Ask to Meeting Planners

As you plan your next event, think not only about the message you want delivered…

…but the bodies delivering it …and the bodies receiving it.

Create spaces where wheelchairs move easily, walkers fit comfortably, and no one has to decide whether the journey to the stage is worth the effort.

Because the goal isn’t just ADA compliance. It’s belonging. When people feel they belong, they listen differently. They connect differently. They remember differently.

That’s what great stages, great events, and great planners do.

They make room - for everyone - whatever Foot Smell you go on stage with!

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